shan-francisco:

Bill Nye opens his mailbox

“BILL BILL BILL BILL BILL BILL BILL BILL BILL BILL” he shouts as he flips through his many house payments due at the end of the month 

sleepthroughthealarm:

i just typed “the perks of being a waffle” instead of wallflower

image

COSMO SEX TIP #8329

arekelly:

Instead of moaning during climax say “Flash 9 required for audio”.

jeanprouvaires:

“And I like large parties. They’re so intimate. At small parties there isn’t any privacy.” 

#there is a zebra in the pool

hannahbanana0916:

lifes-little-ways:

Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down and broke his crown AND NOW HE’S LYING ON THE COLD HARD GROUND

*goat screams*